I got this.

I Got this
It may not look like it right now
It looks like a Huge Clustermess
But I have been through worse
even if it Doesn’t feel like it
I have Survived everything thus far
I will shed tears
I will Yell and Scream
I will get through
I Got this!

Letters to my loves – 3

I am so excited to have seen you are getting married! I hope she thinks you are as Fucking perfect as I did. I hope your time in the service brings you everything you dreamed of. You picked up my pieces when I knew they could never go back together. I needed you to fix me. I wanted to need you forever. But alas I am not a person who needs someone. You taught me to pick up my own two feet and always be moving forward. You opened my eyes to so many things. Where would I be without you? I am eternally grateful to you my love. Don’t forget me.

To my Dearest Diego

To my dear Diego who taught me more about myself in four months than many have in 4 years. The man who showed me the difference in being a romantic and a sentimentalist.

May you always find joy in the journey and never recover from intimacy. Stay true to your ideals, focus on the becoming, and also follow along to This Side of Paradise.


The girl worth having not willing to wait

How do I tell you

How do I explain what I love about you? Does it start with the love I have for you telling me I am wrong. The adoration I have for your ability to apologize earnestly. The respect I have for your morals and the way you challenge my point of view but accept it as mine. The way you make me want to clean my apartment. The way being around you makes me wish I wasn’t covered in cat hair.

How do I handle falling when I am not one to settle down. I am not one to give up my ways. I am terribly stubborn and overthink everything.

I suppose what you need to know now is that I am not looking to settle down. I am not looking to follow you into your life and lose my own. I don’t want you to become my only adventure. I want you to see a bright red and think of my favorite color of lipstick. I want you to read something and wonder what my opinion of it is. I want you to roll over and wonder if I am wide awake too. I want you to pick me up at the airport and ask me about my trip. I need you to understand sometimes I crumble into a puddle of tears and pizza, but most of the time I am made of coffee and determination. I need you to know I am so stubbornly independent it borders on stupidity.

If these are things you can live with then I can promise you this.

When you talk I will listen. When you walk I will watch. When you need me I will be here. I will notice your idiosyncrasies. I will be your partner to the end. We can support and revel in each others unconstrained lives. We will always be the other’s plus one.

That is all it said

“You will always be important to me”

That is all it said.

That is what you wrote on the last line to me.

I know your intentions were good.

I know your thoughts were kind.

I know you didn’t mean to have the effect you did.

I didn’t expect it to cause me this much pain.

I didn’t know I still loved you.

I didn’t know this would be so hard.

All you did was send a thank you note.

All I did was cry.

How did you know to call today

How Did you know to call today?
How Did you know I had a bad Day?
How Did you understand that I miss you?
I didn’t need to say a word.
How? why? what?
In all the mix of emotions
In all the needs I have you did a better Job of seeing
Who I really am instead of who I pretend to be